Love Sucks

I don't want people to say me I'm gonna find it someday. I don't want to hear that things are gonna be OK because they're not, at least not for me. The funny thing is that I don't really know how I feel rigth now. I'm pretty confused. I know I don't love and that I'm not loved and for as now maybe that's the only thing I should keep in mind. But something's hurting me little by little inside and I need to stop it, wish I knew what it is. Someone told me I still have the age to let things happens with boys I don't really mind, which means, "have sex with whomever you want, no matter what's next when you wake up". Maybe that's the best advise I've ever been given... or maybe it's the worst. I don't know if I'm looking for someone to have fun with, to have sex with, to have love with or whatever. What if it's me? What if I can't have a real relationship just because I'm not made for it? I'm so scared to end up alone but I have to find out if that's what I'm going to be, and if it is, because of my character, I'll get used to it. Promise. To myself. I only have to live for myself, right ? Anybodody else. Wish I was special.